BREAKING: Dark Horse Turns Into Drunk Cart Derby — Josh Woitas Withdraws From 2026 International Open After Practice Round.
Myrtle Beach, S.C. — Shockwaves ripped through the PGL this afternoon as tournament darling and certified wildcard Josh Woitas officially withdrew from the 2026 International Open just hours after completing his first — and apparently last — practice round at Prestwick Golf Club on February 5th.
Woitas, who many analysts had pegged as a sneaky dark horse to contend this week, abruptly packed his bags with the tournament teeing off tomorrow, leaving fans, competitors, and at least one alligator’s family searching for answers.
Sources close to the situation say emotions across the tour ranged from disappointment to straight-up celebration.
“One less guy to worry about,” said one competitor while cracking a beer at 4:18 p.m. “Now Josh can focus on what he truly loves — drinking and driving golf carts.”
Others weren’t so kind.
“Soft. Absolute bitch move,” another player said while aggressively regripping his driver. “You don’t fly 4,000 kilometers just to rage quit after a warm-up round.”
FAMILY SHAME FELT ALL THE WAY BACK TO ALBERTA
Josh’s father — himself a longtime PGL competitor — didn’t hide his disappointment.
“Josh really let the family down,” he told reporters while staring deeply into the ocean.
“You see what the Bettac family has done for their community and Josh is robbing Sherwood Park of that pride.”
Strong words. Stronger shame.
Back home in Fort Saskatchewan, we caught up with Josh’s sister’s boyfriend — who wasted absolutely no time establishing dominance.
“I guess we know who the big dawg is now,” he said confidently.
“Josh should stick to wine and painting nights with his fiancé and sisters. Let the men play golf.”
PRESTWICK PRACTICE ROUND DESCENDS INTO PURE MAYHEM
Things reportedly went off the rails around the turn.
Prestwick Golf Club maintenance staff claim Woitas was “completely out of control” by hole 12.
“He was driving the cart like it was the Daytona 500,” one worker said. “Next thing we know — boom — alligator flattened.”
Witnesses allege Josh then attempted to fight fellow competitor Dustin Andrychuk while screaming something about “respecting his putting game.”
Security intervened before the incident escalated.
PGL NOT AMUSED
The PGL Competition Committee released a statement shortly after the withdrawal:
“It is extremely concerning that Josh Woitas would make the flight to South Carolina and withdraw immediately after the first practice round. This behavior does not reflect the professionalism of the league.”
The committee has confirmed that fines and a suspension are currently under review.
Adding insult to injury, Woitas now holds a record no one wants:
👉 First player in PGL history to withdraw from a Major after traveling more than 4,000 kilometers.
A stat expected to live forever.
IN OTHER NEWS.
Authorities confirmed early this morning that fellow competitor Clark Melenka is currently wanted by immigration and border control after allegedly entering the U.S. with forged documents in connection with a massive nicotine trafficking operation.
His hotel room was raided at dawn.
Police reportedly seized:
• Over 100,000 tins of Zyn, Velo, and other Nicotine products
Clark’s brother-in-law Jon Shapka appeared visibly shaken.
“You think you know a guy,” Shapka said. “I’ve been around him for years and couldn’t tell he was so dangerous.”
Minutes later, Shapka was charged with aiding and abetting after officers found Clark hiding under his bed.
TOURNAMENT BEGINS TOMORROW
Stay tuned.
